Converse!

During the two months of extreme relaxation, even Bradley got bored and wrote us a little something.

I cannot be blind to the fact that this blog has been plagued with random stuff ever since its conception, but lately, it wasn’t the right random stuff. For God’s sake, we even had a recipe here (I tried it and must say I was rather surprised, the prospect of a courgette cake seemed rather…ehm, disgusting). But since I do a tiny fraction of writing for this little collection of oddness, I thought it appropriate to contribute a piece that might provide the lost sense of direction.

So, I managed to sit down and write a couple of things, this time: tips for successful conversation (see title). And you thought I meant the shoes.

I think that if you are to converse with someone successfully and with little depth, try these few tips:

1. Know thy enemy. Well, not enemy, but the person you want to discuss the something. Never talk about how dreadful you think dentists are while the person you are talking to is (though you don’t know this) a dentist. So for first contact with someone, stick to something general and not potentially offensive (if you lack imagination, talk about the weather of traffic!). Try to find out something about that person and then you can curse the dentists together (if appropriate).
2. Don’t try too hard. You’ll make a fool out of yourself. Don’t try to be witty, you’ll probably make a few deep remarks without considerable effort. Don’t try being funny, you might notice that amusing situations are best created spontaneously, without any effort.
3. General knowledge helps, but beware! Do not talk about the height of Mt Everest (29 029 feet/ 8848 meters) and the bee waggle dance. But please, make sure that you know which Georgia was invaded by Russia (hint: it is not the one in the US).
4. Only use the words that you know how to pronounce and know what they mean. Trust me. I once had someone telling me about this amazing ‘ree-tro’ bar at the beach. Although one should never belittle another due to his or her lack of certain knowledge, it is best to use the vocabulary you know how to use (except words like ‘ho pimp’ etc…).
5. Be yourself. This sounds cliche, and to a certain extent, it is, but don’t be too pretentious. Most people will either think you are insincere or stupid. If some people don’t like you for who you are, then you should not talk to them too much. May they see the light one day.

That’s all I have for now. If I think of something else, I’ll let you know.

Cheers;

BSJ

Dystopia High, Episode 2

But first: character introduction.

Milo: Once one of the popular kids, he has fallen into disgrace after an incident. From then on, at time 0 and afterwards, he is an outcast along with Dominique and Andy.

Senator Networsky: A young and rising Republican political star, she’s got the looks and the brains to make it far. She also has a little problem…

Episode Two (If you haven’t done so already, read episode one here)

A couple of minutes before time 0. Wee see the school in New York. The fire alarm is going off. There’s a general commotion. At the same time, in the broom closet, Dominique, Milo and Andy (this time as a boy) are changing into black overalls they Dominique hands each of them a gun. In the meantime in the corridors; the three victims seem to be looking for each other and exchange guilty looks. The school empties quickly. The three victims are seemingly alone now. They run towards Headmistress’s office. They burst in. The chair behind the desk turns around to face them, a figure, dressed in a dark shoots the cheerleader. The other two run away. Although the figure in dark clothes does not follow, two more shots are heard, along with the bodies falling on the floor.

Two months before Time 0, senator’s office, New York. Senator Networsky is on the phone with her assistant; she’s saying: ‘And please contact Henrietta Hazel, you know, the one from Dystopia High, where I had a speech last month, I need to speak with her”. In her hand she, Networsky has a piece of paper saying: I know what you did at Dystopia High. Meet me, and we’ll talk about your future… Regards: Henrietta Hazel’.

The time shifts again to two days before Time 0. Senator Networsky’s office. She’s talking with the man who we saw walking out of Henrietta’s apartment in episode one. Senator says:’As we already discussed, Henrietta won’t budge and the whole thing could quickly spin out of control. We need her… eliminated’. The man replies: ‘Consider it done’.

4 minutes after time 0, Dystopia high. The attacker behind Hazel’s desk retrieves a video tape from in front of him and puts down her shirt, without noticing that there is another video tape in one of the trays on the desktop. The attacker then calls ‘Dom, Andy!’. They both come in, give a high five and prepare to leave. As they leave Dominique sees the tape in the tray, she takes it (apparently thinking Milo left his own one there).

Two and a half months before time 0: Henrietta’s Hazel’s office. Hazel is looking over the school budget. The numbers are in red, she picks up the phone to call her deputy, he comes in and asks: ‘What’s the matter?’ Henrietta answers: ‘the budget, I need you to cut salaries, scrap the health plan’. ‘But what will you do?’ he asks. ‘Just do it!!!’

A few minutes afterwards, a phone goes in a psychologists’ office. The doctor picks up. Henrietta’s voice on the other line: ‘I can’t continue the treatment, I just don’t have the money anymore’, the doctor looks terrified: ‘but Ms Hazel, if your condition goes untreated…’ Henrietta puts down the phone.

Six months before time 0. We see Milo and the cheerleader talking in front of the school, discussing their summer vacation. It is the first day of the academic year. As Dominique walks by, Milo and the cheerleader turn away not to lookat her.

Two days after time 0. A group of ‘popular’ kids are being interviewed for the local paper. One of them says: ‘And they were such great people, you know, they never hurt anybody or anything, they didn’t deserve it.’

One and a half months before Time 0. Christmas party at the school. The jock is looking at a girl in the corner (we can’t see who she is). She leaves the room, he follows after her into the girls’ bathroom (which is empty). He sneaks up on her from the back and says: ‘I’ve got you you little freak, and now, we’re about to have some fun.’ The girl lets out a muffled scream and everything goes black.

To be continued…

Tickets for She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

An old whore. Grandma in a bathing suit. Overrated. Talentless. Uncool. Irrelevant. Desperate. Yes, I’m talking about one person whose name I promised I wouldn’t mention. So, let’s just call her, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I got tickets to see her perform in Amsterdam in September. It better be good. Apparently the performance will be full of remixes and mash-ups, which is something to look froward to (we all know the ol’ album versions), even though I guess the visual side of it will be rather over-the-top, which is always good.

But, having said that, I have a slight problem. I have an extra ticket. What should I do? Invite someone or take my mother (like the last time)? But, wait a minute, I don’t care, ‘cos I’ve got a golden ticket (well, not really, it’s the cheapest one, but it is opposite the stage, it’s just miles away…).

So, if you know someone who’d like to come along, let me know. Or you could do my mother a favor and keep your trap shut (not that she actually likes She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but in any case, it’s better than nothing).

P-ter

PS: No really, do not pay attention to what I just wrote. It’s mostly garbage.

Dystopia High – Episode 1 (Finally!)

I think the only person that will be thrilled to see anything about Dystopia High is Sam (whose revamped website is really too cool for words). But still, I do like fiction, and while I’m not all that good in writing it, and Dystopia High will be tough to write, I will do my best. But before you get all excited, don’t. Because first, you will have to read my comments and thoughts on it.

I had an epiphany not so long ago. The realization of the greater truth ran as follows: ‘only fools like things linear’. I decided that the storytelling this little project cannot be linear. I also realized that in order for the project to have any success, the first chapter, or episode if you like to call it that way, must make a deep impact (Heroes have been a real inspiration as far as the style is concerned), although my little show will not switch locations, but times.

The conclusion was to have a D-day, a sort of Time 0, toward which all events would inevitably lead. However, the first episode would be centered around what happened at Time 0, and shortly afterwards. The rest of the show would explain the characters motives, actions and choices. I was also interested in rehabilitating the main characters, whose actions at Time 0 seem inexplicably evil.

I decided to have three main characters instead of four, and decided to drop the comedy, At times, perhaps, but it will be 99% drama.

To finish, I decided to name the headmistress Henrietta Hazel. If you’re curios why, drop a line and I’ll tell you.

Episode One

The episode begins just hours after Time 0. A news broadcast (preferably something like the CNN or BBC) announces that a few hours ago (Time 0), there was another high school shooting incident, with multiple attackers but only relatively few victims (3 seem little compared to what happened in Virginia). However, it seems that the attack was carefully organized and that there was more than one attacker. We then see Henrietta Hazel watching the broadcast in her apartment and retrieving a gun from her desk, she tries to commit suicide but before she can insert the gun into her throat, she is shot from behind. We then see a dark figure in the shadows leaving her. The attacker didn’t see that Henrietta was trying to commit a suicide and leaves.

The time shifts to Time 0, New York. We see a cheerleader, a jock, and another popular kid (dressed in a hip-hop, bling, etc. outfit) get shot. Each time the shooter is dressed in a dark outfit, although it is apparent that there are three different attackers. The school where this occurs is empty except these 6 (the three shooters and the three victims).

The time and space shift again it is three months after Time 0, in Florida, we see Andy (now as a girl), Dominique (changed from Dominica) and Milo (a new character which I will introduce later) walking home from school, talking with each other about school problems, homework, going out, etc… They split up at junction, when Milo arrives home his parents tell him that the police want to interview him about the shooting three months ago. Milo tells a story about how, when the fire alarm went off, he left the school building like everyone else, and that he has no idea why the three victims stayed behind in the building during the alarm. The police also question him about the death of Mrs Hazel.

After the police are gone, Milo picks up the phone and sends a message to Andy and Dominique. The message reads: They might suspect something.

The time shifts again to a few hours after the attack. We see a man in dark clothes leaving Henrietta’s appartment. After he leaves the building, he makes a phone call. He says: All right Senator, the job is done.

Another time shift. The police are inside Henrietta’s apartment. The coroner says: “It looks like suicide, but it is not, someone needed this woman dead”.

To be continued…

Peter Smisek