Attention seekers. We usually laugh them off and think they’re pathetic, even if we all perfectly know that most people in tabloids are have most severe case of attentionseeker-itis.Nevertheless, this is quite irrelevant to the story that I’m about to tell you.
It was a long time ago, when the credit crunch was unheard-of, and just before the great Steve Jobs gave us the iPod mini. This long forgotten history would be otherwise forgiven, have I not been the main perpetrator in that shameful event. It was in these dark times, sometime in autumn, I would think, when I felt rather unloved by people at school. I mean, it wasn’t that people disliked me, it was the fact that I was largely ignored by the student body, which felt a little frustrating. Little did I know that all these things were my fault for being myself.
Anyway, It was raining rather hard, and I felt like I needed to go out there. So I did. Without an umbrella, carrying my usual oversized backpack, I walked into the rain. It felt strange. I was more alone than ever, because no one was outside and everyone was in the canteen, which had an excellent view on the school yard. I walked for a minute, I walked long enough to feel the rain, but short enough not to get completely soaked. It was almost like some sort of rebirth ritual, although there was no rebirth, not in the metaphorical sense, end definitely not in the literal sense.
Then I walked back into the school, telling myself that this was the best spent quality time with myself in a long time. However, two of my friends (or more, I don’t remember) approached me and asked if there was something wrong with me. “Of course not, I’m fine” I said, although I was shocked by their concern. I did not consciously seek their attention, and although I was glad they were concerned, I felt sickened by me. I don’t know why, but my down-to-earth side probably told me: stop feeling sorry for yourself, you’re not going to be a victim, this is ridiculous (that was before the word emo was introduced into popular culture).
I don’t want to be an attention seeker ever again. That one occasion made me feel really bad (there just isn’t another word for it), and if I ever should get attention, it shouldn’t be because I did something stupid, but because I did some admirable.
Peter
